5 Ways to Nurture Your Relationships

Relationships are essential for our lives, but they need time to grow. Without time and care, even strong relationships can suffer. Both people must invest time and attention to keep the bond strong. A solid foundation is crucial for the success of the relationship. Caring for each other builds a reliable support system during tough times.

Connecting with others fosters a sense of belonging, which can help mitigate feelings of loneliness and anxiety. In addition, relationships contribute to personal growth. Interacting with different perspectives allows individuals to learn from one another, enhancing their understanding of the world and themselves. Challenging conversations and shared experiences can promote self-reflection and transformation. Furthermore, relationships often serve as a protective factor against stress and adversity. A supportive network can offer assistance during difficult times, reducing the impact of stressors and improving resilience. In addition, strong relationships can lead to greater life satisfaction. The joy of shared experiences and collaboration can enhance happiness and fulfillment.

Ways to Nurture Your Relationships:

1.Communicate Openly and Honestly

a. Create a safe environment.

Choose a comfortable, private setting where everyone feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or interruption.

b. Be clear and direct.

Use clear language and avoid ambiguous statements. Be straightforward about your thoughts and feelings to minimize misunderstandings.

c. Practice active listening.

Show genuine interest in the other person's perspective. Listen attentively without planning your response while they are speaking. Reflect back what you hear to ensure comprehension.

d. Use "I" statements.

Frame your feelings and thoughts using "I" statements (e.g., "I feel..." or "I think..."). This approach reduces defensiveness and focuses on your personal experience.

e. Be honest but respectful.

Share your truths respectfully. It’s important to be honest without being hurtful. Consider how your words may affect the other person.

2. Sharing Life Lessons

Sharing life lessons in a relationship plays a critical role in building deeper connections and fostering personal growth. When partners openly communicate lessons learned from their experiences, they create a foundation of trust and understanding. This exchange encourages vulnerability, which can enhance intimacy and strengthen the emotional bond.

Additionally, sharing life lessons allows individuals to gain different perspectives. Each partner brings their unique background and experiences to the relationship, enriching discussions and promoting empathy. This can lead to better conflict resolution strategies, as understanding each other's viewpoints can mitigate misunderstandings and foster collaboration.

3. Emotional Support, Validation, and Compliments.

a. Making individuals feel heard, understood, and appreciated fosters a sense of safety and connection within the relationship. That is crucial in a relationship for building trust and intimacy.

b. Actively listening and validating feelings encourages open and honest communication.

c. Feeling emotionally supported and appreciated can deepen the connection between partners.

d. Knowing that you have someone who understands and cares about your feelings can help alleviate stress.

4. Sharing Goals and Dreams That Resonate With Both of You.

a. When you openly share your dreams and aspirations, you allow your partner to see a vulnerable and authentic side of you, which deepens the emotional connection.

b. Discussing goals together helps create a shared vision for your relationship and life together, providing direction and purpose.

c. Knowing your partner is invested in your goals and vice versa can provide motivation and encouragement to pursue them while strengthening the bond.

5. Compassion, Acceptance, and Forgiveness.

a. When partners feel safe to be vulnerable and express their needs, open and honest communication becomes easier.

b. By practicing forgiveness, couples are less likely to hold onto anger and are better equipped to resolve disagreements constructively.

c. A sense of being understood and accepted at a deep level fosters emotional closeness and intimacy.

d. A relationship built on compassion and acceptance tends to be more positive and supportive, leading to greater happiness and well-being for both partners.

Nurturing relationships are essential because they significantly contribute to our overall well-being. It provides emotional support and enhances mental health. Tending to your relationships also boosts resilience during challenges and helps foster a sense of belonging and connection with others. Essentially, strong relationships are crucial for a fulfilling life.

If you’re wanting support with your relationships, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

Finding a Psychologist in San Diego

San Diego is a city in southern California known for it’s wonderful year round weather and gorgeous beaches. San Diego has many great attractions, wonderful restaurants and many employment opportunities. San Diego also has a high cost of living, limited public transportation and faces challenges with water scarcity. Even in the beautiful city of San Diego, people struggle with mental health concerns like stress, anxiety and depression. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 30 million Americans need help dealing with relationship problems, depression, grief and loss, and stress. Those problems can at times be significantly debilitating. At times, we might need outside help from a trained, licensed professional like a psychologist.

Psychologists who specialize in psychotherapy and other forms of psychological treatment, are highly trained professionals with expertise in behavior change, mental health assessment, and diagnosis and treatment. Psychologists are licensed in the state they practice and work in various settings such as hospitals, schools, mental health centers and private practice. Psychologists apply scientifically validated strategies to help people change their thoughts, behaviors and emotions. Psychotherapy is a collaborative effort between an individual and a psychologist which provides a supportive environment to talk openly and confidentially about struggles and a variety of concerns.

I’m aware that you have many mental health providers available to work with in San Diego. I recommend you work with a psychologist given their extensive level of training. After graduating from college, psychologists spend an average of six years in graduate education training and possibly research before receiving a doctoral degree. As part of their professional training, psychologists must complete a supervised one year clinical internship in a organized health setting or hospital. Psychologists also spend at least one year of supervised post-doctoral experience before they can practice independently in any health care arena. The combination of doctoral-level training and a clinical internship is what distinguishes psychologists from many other mental health care providers.

If you’re looking for a San Diego psychologist, let’s review some ways to find the right one for you.

Here are some tips to consider while looking for a psychologist in San Diego.

1. Does the psychologist offer in-person and/or telehealth sessions?

2. Is the psychologist’s website helpful in getting a sense of the person and how he or she works with clients?

3. If you leave a voice message or email, does the psychologist respond in a timely manner?

4. What kinds of treatments does the psychologist use and have they been proven effective for dealing with your concerns?

5. Remind yourself that finding the right psychologist for you is worth the effort. A good psychologist can help you reduce your symptoms, and develop confidence and skills to deal with mental health matters for the rest of your life.

6. While all psychologists are trained in compassion and understanding, having a psychologist who is part of your community, or who has experience working with people from your community, can make a positive difference.

I believe a good way to determine the goodness of fit is to be able to chat briefly with the psychologist. Make sure the psychologist offers a free phone consultation. Ask about how the psychologist will address your concerns and how he or she will help you accomplish your goals. It’s a chance for you to ask the psychologist some questions about his or her areas of specialty. Get a good sense of what therapy sessions will be like working with this psychologist. Ask questions that help you determine if you’d feel comfortable working with the psychologist. Therapy isn’t just for chatting weekly, it is about reaching your goals and feeling respected and supported.

If you’re looking for mental health support, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

7 Tips to Better Manage Stress

Our daily lives have become more fast paced at work and home. As a result, stress has become a common day occurrence. In psychology, stress is a feeling of emotional pressure and strain. Many people are constantly inundated with technology that can easily distract us from our self-care. Thus, life can feel overwhelming and stressful at times. Consequently, it’s important to learn how to better manage your stress.

Before we discuss, how to manage stress, lets learn how to identify your stress. Symptoms of stress can take various forms. Stress may cause physical complaints, such as tightness in your shoulders, tension headaches, indigestion or even back pain. Stress can appear as cognitive problems like indecisiveness or poor concentration. Emotional symptoms of stress can include irritability, crying, or edginess. Once you can identify your stress, make a priority to learn healthy ways of managing your stress.

7 Tips to Better Manage Stress:

1. Make time for daily self-care.

   *Make a priority to go to bed around the same time and wake up at the same time. Ideally teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep and adults 7 to 9 hours of sleep.

   *Be sure to eat healthy well balanced meals and don’t allow yourself to skip a meal. Drink plenty of water. Teens are recommended to drink 6 - 8 cups of water and adults should drink 8 - 10 cups of water.

   *Pay attention to your self-talk. Talk to yourself in a kind and patient manner. Pretend you’re talking to your best friend and say that to yourself.

2. Practice daily relaxation techniques.

   These are activities that trigger the relaxation response, a physiological change that can help lower your blood pressure, breathing rate, heart rate, stress hormones and oxygen consumption. You can achieve this with activities such as meditation, guided imagery, yoga, and deep breathing exercises.

   *On the hour, spend a few minutes inhaling for a count of 5 and exhaling for a count of 5. It helps to bring you to the present moment.

   *Make time at least for 5 minutes to listen to a daily guided meditation. Find a guided meditation on an app or on YouTube that you find calming and relaxing.

   *Make time to do yoga at least 3 times per week. Use your favorite app or find a yoga instructor on YouTube. Yoga is a great exercise to focus on our body rather than our busy mind.

3. Make time to exercise as often as possible.

   *Physical activity can pump up your feel-good endorphins and other natural neural chemicals that boost your sense of well-being. Exercise is very helpful in refocusing your mind on your body's movements. This refocus can improve your mood and help you feel better. Allow yourself to try various forms of exercise, like going for a long walk, biking, working in the garden, going for a run, weight training, or working in your garden. Give yourself permission to make time for daily movement, if at all possible.

4. Connect with others.

   Social contact is a good stress reliever because your family and or friends can provide you support, it can offer a healthy distraction, and it helps you navigate the ups and downs of life.

   When you're stressed and irritable, you may want to isolate yourself. Instead, make it a point to reach out to family and friends and make social connections. Open up with your friend or family and express what’s bothering you. Even one good person who listens can make a difference in reducing some of your stress.

5. Practice being assertive.

   Assertiveness is a communication skill that allows you to express your needs, thoughts and emotions in a balanced and respectful manner, without violating the right of others. It can help you set limits and boundaries with others. Furthermore, being assertive can help you to express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view. Being assertive is difficult for many people. Therapy can allow you to learn why you struggle being assertive. Therapy can be a safe space for you to practice being assertive with your family, friend and coo-workers.

6. Managing your social media time.

   Setting limits on how much time you spend on social media can help decrease the urge to constantly check for updates. It can help reduce your stress by limiting the exposure to potentially overwhelming content. It can also help prevent feelings of comparisons to others’ curated online lives. As a result, managing your time on social media can lead to a more relaxed and present state of mind.

7. Daily journaling.

   Give yourself permission to journal every day in the morning or afternoon. Journaling can help your understand your stressors, fears and concerns. Journaling can help you track any symptoms so that you can potentially recognize your triggers. Journaling can help you be honest about what your feeling and what you need. Furthermore, journaling can help you identify your negative thoughts and learn how to focus on healthy balanced self talk.

   I hope you make it a priority to practice better ways of managing your stress. Therapy will provide you a safe space to learn more effective ways of managing your stress. It will benefit you emotionally, socially and psychologically. Learning to make time to take care of yourself is necessary for our well being.

   If you’re looking for support to better manage your stress , please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

6 Mental Health Benefits of Exercise

Most of us know the many physical benefits of exercise like increased energy, weight control, lower blood pressure, and reduced risk of diabetes. But what about the psychological benefits of exercise? Did you know that exercise can help lessen symptoms of depression and anxiety and keep your memory sharp? Let’s explore six mental health benefits of exercise.

6 Mental Health Benefits of Exercise

1. Exercise and Depression

   Studies show that exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication but without any side effects. For example, a study by Harvard’s School of Public Health found that walking for an hour or running for 15 minutes a day reduces the risk of major depression by 26%. In addition to relieving symptoms of depression, research also shows that maintaining an exercise schedule can prevent you from relapsing. Some researchers suspect exercise alleviates chronic depression by increasing serotonin, the neurotransmitter targeted by antidepressants. Furthermore, exercise promotes all kinds of changes in the brain, like reduced inflammation, neural growth, and new activity patterns that promote feelings of well-being and calm. Additionally, exercise helps with good blood flow, improves circulation, and stimulates the growth of new blood vessels in the brain. In addition, physical exercise releases endorphins, powerful chemicals in your brain that energize your spirits and make you feel good. Finally, exercise can also serve as a distraction, since it provides some quiet time to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression.

2. Exercise and Anxiety

   Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves stress and tension, boosts mental and physical energy, and enhances well-being by releasing endorphins, peptides produced in the brain that block the perception of pain and increase feelings of well-being. Furthermore, moving your body decreases muscle tension, lowering the body’s contribution to feeling anxious. In addition, exercise activates frontal regions of the brain that are responsible for executive function, and therefore helps control the amygdala, our reacting system to real or imagined threats to our survival.

   One possibility is that exercise buffs up the brain and the body. Physical exercise triggers the release of a protein known as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF encourages the growth of new brain cells, possibly, in the hippocampus, a brain region important in learning and memory. Since the hippocampus tends to be smaller or distorted in people with anxiety and depression, boosting BDNF through exercise might be a way physical activity might help manage these conditions.

3. Decreased Stress
   Another mental benefit of exercise is reduced stress levels, something that can make everyone happier. Increasing your heart rate can reverse stress-induced brain damage by stimulating the production of neurohormones like norepinephrine, which improves cognition and mood and clouded thinking by stressful events. In addition, exercise forces the body’s central and sympathetic nervous systems to communicate with one another, improving the body’s overall ability to respond to stress.

   Think about how your body feels when you're stressed. Your muscles may be tense, especially in your neck and shoulders, leaving you with back or neck pain, or painful headaches. You may feel a tightness in your chest, a pounding pulse, or muscle cramps. You might also experience problems such as stomachache, insomnia, heartburn, diarrhea, or frequent urination. The worry and discomfort of all these physical symptoms can lead to even more stress, creating a vicious cycle between your mind and body.

   Exercising is an effective way to break this cycle. As well as releasing endorphins in the brain, physical activity helps to relax the muscles and relieve tension in the body. Since the body and mind are so closely linked, when your body feels better so will your mind.

4. Increased Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
   From improving endurance to losing weight and increasing muscle tone, there’s no shortage of physical achievements due to regular exercise. All those achievements can add up to boosting your self-esteem, as well as the confidence that comes with it. You may not set out for a slimmer physique or the ability to climb a hill without getting winded. Oftentimes it happens before you even realize it. It’s just one of the many benefits of physical activity that boost your body, mind, and spirit.

   Regular exercise is an investment in your mind, body, and soul. When exercise becomes a habit, it can foster your sense of self-worth and make you feel strong and powerful. You’ll feel better about your appearance and, by meeting even small exercise goals, you’ll feel a sense of achievement.

   Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves and how we perceive our self-worth. It is a key indicator of our mental well-being and our ability to cope with life stressors. Physical activity has been shown to influence our self-worth and self-esteem positively. This relationship has been found in children, adolescents, young adults, adults, and older people, and among both males and females.

5. Better sleep
   Studies have found that proper exercise can alleviate sleep-related problems and help you get an adequate amount of rest. If you have trouble getting a good night’s sleep, exercise can help with that, too. Physical activity increases body temperature, which can have calming effects on the mind. Exercise also helps regulate your circadian rhythm, our body’s built-in alarm clock that controls when we feel tired and when we feel alert. Please note that sleep experts recommend not exercising close to bedtime.

   Moderate aerobic exercise increases the amount of slow-wave sleep you get. Slow-wave sleep refers to deep sleep, where the brain and body have a chance to rejuvenate. In addition, moderate to vigorous exercise can increase sleep quality for adults by reducing sleep onset, and the time it takes to fall asleep, and decreasing the amount of time they lie awake in bed during the night. Additionally, physical activity can help alleviate daytime sleepiness. Exercise can also help to stabilize your mood and decompress the mind.

6. Brain Boost
   From building intelligence to strengthening memory, exercise boosts brainpower in many ways. Studies on mice and humans indicate that cardiovascular exercise creates new brain cells, a process called neurogenesis, and improves overall brain performance. Exercise also prevents cognitive decline and memory loss by strengthening the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning. In addition, studies prove that physical activity boosts creativity and mental energy. So if you need inspiration, your big idea could be just a walk or jog away.

   Exercise offers short-term boosts in cognition. Studies show that immediately after a bout of physical activity, people perform better on tests of executive functions and working memory. This might be in part because movement increases the release of neurotransmitters in the brain, most notably epinephrine and norepinephrine.

   The brain benefits start to emerge, though, when people work out consistently over time. Studies show that people who work out several times a week have on average higher cognitive test scores, than people who are more sedentary. Other research has found that a person’s cognition tends to improve after participating in a new aerobic exercise program for several months.

   Overall, there are many important mental health benefits of exercise. I hope you learned something new in this blog that helps motivate you to make time for exercise and wellness. Permit yourself to prioritize time to exercise. Learn to focus on your schedule and be sure to make time for wellness. You can walk during your lunch break, find some YouTube exercise videos that you’ll do after work or classes, go biking or hiking on the weekends, or join a gym. As exercise becomes a habit in your life, you’ll reap the benefits of exercise.

   If you’re looking for mental health support, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

6 Benefits of Keeping a Gratitude Journal

One of the most helpful definitions of gratitude in the dictionary is “when you feel thankful for the good things in your life.” Numerous studies demonstrate how gratitude journaling can increase one’s happiness. Each study shares insights into how a person can improve their well-being and overall health. Dr. Robert Emmons believes that gratitude helps people realize that they wouldn’t be where they are without the help of others. His research indicates that practicing gratitude magnifies positive feelings more than it reduces negative feelings. In addition, Dr. Emmons's research suggests that gratitude helps you see the bigger picture and become more resilient in the face of adversity.

The Benefits of Gratitude Journaling.

1. Having a gratitude journal gives you something to boost yourself up, especially on days when life feels hard or when nothing is going your way. It becomes a helpful tool in focusing on something good. Research shows that gratitude journaling demonstrates substantial improvements in optimism. Writing down what you are thankful for, can make you more optimistic because you are choosing to see more of the positivity in your life, giving less power to negative emotions.

2. Showing gratitude and writing it down encourages you to focus on what you have in your life, rather than what is missing. This results in a release of serotonin and dopamine, the neurotransmitters that are responsible for making us feel good. It helps you to be more present and mindful as you begin to see the small joys in your everyday life.

3. Keeping a journal is a very personal activity and allows you to be present with your achievements. Expressing gratitude has been proven to reduce social comparisons. In addition, you are less likely to be resentful towards others.

4. Studies show a positive correlation between gratitude, sleep quality, and sleep duration. The practice of gratitude journaling is calming which helps to ease the mind and proves especially beneficial leading up to bedtime. Spending just 15 minutes before bed writing down a few grateful sentiments can help you have a much better night’s sleep.

5. Taking time to stop what you are doing and write in a gratitude journal helps reduce stress. More specifically, gratitude can help calm the nervous system. It helps reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing to help with overall relaxation. 

6. Writing in your gratitude journal in the morning puts you in a positive frame of mind and makes you better able to deal with the ups and downs of your day. If something goes wrong, you can cope much better because you are mindful of what is right in your life.

Keeping a gratitude journal can be a simple practice. Just commit to yourself to write down the things you are grateful for the day. You can decide how long your list is each day and how much detail you want to write. Best of all, gratitude journaling is an easy habit to form. Happy writing!

If you’re looking for mental health support, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

The Problems with Perfectionism

I work with many clients who struggle with perfectionism and thought it would be helpful to write about perfectionism. I will be referring to Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. It’s a great book that I highly recommend. Brene Brown defines perfectionism as “the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. It's a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from flight."

Brene Brown recognizes that “perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.” Perfectionism is about trying to earn approval and acceptance, not self-improvement. As Brene states, “most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance” like grades, appearance, sports, and people-pleasing. Perfectionism is other-focused (what will they think?) while healthy striving is self-focused (how can I improve?) Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. Perfectionism has been found to increase the risk of anxiety disorders, depression, and eating disorders.

Brene believes that perfectionism is a “self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of blame, judgment, and shame.” What really happens is that the person will actually experience those painful feelings that tend to lead to thoughts of not being good enough.

Furthermore Brene Brown states “Perfectionism is an unattainable goal. It’s more about perception than internal motivation, and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy is spent trying.” Perfectionism leads to a vicious cycle of wanting others to think highly of you but instead, you tend to feel disappointed and upset with yourself.

Brene acknowledges that “perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right.” Perfectionism tends to be an exhausting cycle of trying to impress others while making yourself feel horrible in the process.

If you’re seeking to be perfect, you’ll ultimately demotivate yourself. Having ideals that are unattainable, you’ll never feel like you’re good enough and instead, you’ll miss out on rewards of accomplishment.

Another drawback of perfectionism is the way it distances you from others. People may not want to work with you because of your impossibly high expectations and they know they won’t measure up. In addition, if you fall into the trap of believing you’re close to perfect, you also run the risk of intimidating others.

Furthermore, perfectionism can be a barrier to your academic or professional growth because it reduces your ability to do brilliant work. If you’re unable to move ahead or can’t get anything done, you’ll limit your ability to contribute to a project. Furthermore, if you can’t admit mistakes, you won’t be able to learn from the mistakes or understand what went wrong in order to improve.

As Brene Brown’s research indicates, to overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experiences of blame, judgment, and shame. We’ve got to practice self-compassion and develop shame resilience in order to embrace our imperfections. Through the process of embracing our imperfections, we find our truest gifts: compassion, courage, and connection.

If you’re looking for help with your perfectionism, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

What's the Difference Between Sadness and Depression?

In everyday conversations, sadness and depression are often used interchangeably, but it's crucial to recognize that they represent distinct emotional states. Although they share similarities, comprehending the difference between sadness and depression is essential for both individuals experiencing these emotions and those seeking to support them.

Sadness is a natural human emotion. Sadness is usually triggered by a difficult, challenging, or disappointing experience. It’s typically a reaction to life events. Some examples of life events that can lead to sadness include you lost your job, you lost a loved one in your life, or you’re going through a breakup. Typically, these feelings of sadness come and go. The sadness may lead you to isolate yourself or stay at home for a few days, but it will likely dissipate over time.  When you’ve gotten over the loss or disappointment, your sadness ends.

Depression is an abnormal emotional state. It’s a mental illness that affects our thinking, emotions, behaviors, and perceptions in chronic ways. When someone is depressed, that person will feel sad about everything. Depression does not necessarily require a difficult loss or change in circumstance as a trigger. More importantly, depression often occurs in the absence of any such triggers.

Depression impacts all aspects of your life. It makes your life less interesting, less important, less enjoyable, and less worthwhile. Depression negatively impacts your motivation, your energy, and your ability to experience pleasure, excitement, joy, satisfaction, and meaning. Depression tends to make you more frustrated, more impatient, and quicker to react. In addition, it also takes you longer to bounce back from most things.

To better understand the symptoms of depression, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders, the DSM-5 outlines the criteria for a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.

Five or more of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure.

1. A depressed mood nearly all of the time.

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all activities most of the time.

3. Significant changes in weight or appetite nearly every day.

4. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.

5. Feeling slowed down in your movements or restless nearly every day.

6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt nearly every day.

8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day.

9. Reoccurring thoughts of death or suicide.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing symptoms of depression, it's crucial to seek help from a qualified mental health professional for a proper diagnosis and treatment. Depression is a prevalent mental illness and can be managed effectively with psychotherapy and for some people medication and psychotherapy.

If you’re looking for help with your depression, please contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

6 Benefits of a Good Night's Sleep

We always hear that it’s important to get a good night’s sleep. But do we really understand the importance of sleep? Let’s discuss some of the many benefits of quality sleep.

1. Memory

Sleep plays an important role in a process called memory consolidation. During sleep, your body is resting, but your brain is busy processing your day, making connections between events, feelings, sensory input, and memories. Deep sleep is a very important time for your brain to make memories and links, and getting more quality sleep will help you remember and process things better.

During the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) stage of sleep, your newly consolidated memories become interconnected with your prior memories, including those of your life as well as your library of knowledge and facts. This connection between your recent memories, prior memories, and knowledge is one reason that you may wake up with a new and valuable perspective on a problem.

2. Healthier Heart

Quality sleep promotes cardiac health. During sleep, the heart rate slows down, and blood pressure decreases. This means that during sleep, the heart and vascular system are able to rest.

Research shows that people who don’t get enough sleep are more likely to develop high blood pressure, which increases the risk of developing heart disease. Also, poor sleep promotes inflammation and chronic inflammation eventually leads to heart disease. Furthermore, recent research indicates that the heart likes consistent sleep. In a study that followed older adults for five years, those with the most irregular sleep schedules were nearly twice as likely to develop heart disease compared to adults with more regular sleep patterns. 

It’s not known why going off a regular sleep schedule (with consistent bed and wake times) affects the heart, but sleep inconsistency may disturb the body’s circadian rhythms. Blood pressure, heart rate, and other cardiovascular functions vary with the time of day and may become disrupted by inconsistent sleep.

3. Stress Reduction

When you’re sleep deprived, your body releases stress hormones. Sleep is a powerful stress reducer. Following a regular sleep routine calms and restores the body, regulates mood, improves concentration, and sharpens judgment and decision-making. When you’re well rested, you are a better problem solver and are better able to cope with stress.

Getting more rest can significantly decrease cortisol levels and restore balance to the body’s systems. For adults, the recommendation is to try to get between seven to nine hours of sleep a night to avoid the rise in hormone levels and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.

4. Reduces Anxiety

Anxiety is frequently connected to sleeping problems. Excess worry and fear make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Sleep deprivation can worsen anxiety. Researchers have found that losing too much sleep can activate a region of the brain that controls emotional processing and worry. Poor sleep can overwork the heart and cause serious stress, negatively affecting your mental health and how you handle social situations. 

Adequate sleep has been proven to drastically reduce feelings of anxiety by improving your ability to process stress and react in an appropriate way. Specifically, a good night’s sleep can improve your mood and temperament. In addition, creating healthy sleep habits can make going to bed a more pleasant experience and facilitate a consistent routine to enhance sleep.

5. Boosts Immune System

The immune system is critical to overall health. It is fundamental to healing wounds, warding off infections, and protecting against chronic and life-threatening illnesses. When your body gets the proper sleep it needs, your immune cells and proteins get the rest they need to fight off illnesses like colds or the flu. Research also indicates that proper sleep can make vaccines more effective.

Sleep provides essential support to the immune system. Getting sufficient hours of high-quality sleep enables a well-balanced immune defense that features strong innate and adaptive immunity, and less severe allergic reactions.

Furthermore, during sleep, the body produces growth hormones necessary for development in children and adolescents. These growth hormones also repair tissues and cells in people of all ages. The body also produces cytokines during sleep, which support the immune system in fighting infections.

6. Decreases Weight Gain

Research indicates that a lack of sleep is linked to poorer food choices, increased hunger and calorie intake, decreased physical activity, and ultimately weight gain. Getting enough sleep may help prevent increases in calorie intake and appetite. Sufficient sleep helps you avoid decreases in metabolism that can happen when you haven’t gotten enough sleep.

Science shows that when you're well-rested, you're less hungry. Good quality sleep doesn’t mess with the hormones leptin and ghrelin that control appetite. More specifically, during sleep, the body naturally produces more of an appetite suppressor, called leptin, while reducing the production of the appetite stimulant ghrelin.

Now that we better understand the many benefits of a good night’s sleep, make sure to focus on creating a healthy sleep hygiene routine. Some helpful suggestions include avoiding caffeine and alcohol 4 to 6 hours before you go to bed. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time. At least one hour before you go to bed, turn off all electronics and practice relaxation techniques such as guided imagery, yoga stretches, meditation, prayer, or deep breathing exercises. Happy Zzz’s.

For more information about sleep difficulties, please call me at 858-243-2684.

How to Identify and Challenge Distorted Thinking

Cognitive therapy helps a person learn how to identify distorted thinking in order to change the way you think and feel. These thoughts are automatic and simply pop into our minds automatically. As a result, people tend to respond automatically to these distorted thoughts without pausing to notice whether or not the thoughts are accurate or realistic. Everyone has a flow of positive, neutral, and negative automatic thoughts throughout the day. Unfortunately, negative automatic thoughts tend to lead to irrational thoughts. From a psychological perspective, irrational thoughts:

• are not based on evidence

• mostly operate on assumptions

• are rooted in beliefs based on past experiences either positive or negative

We all have irrational thoughts. Some people will be able to recognize irrational thoughts. Other people may struggle to let go of the irrational thought and give the thought too much time and attention. Thus, irrational thoughts can cause functional impairment in behavior which can negatively impact day-to-day life.

When irrational thinking becomes a pattern, it creates a cognitive distortion. This is an error in thinking or logic that affects the way your mind processes information. Cognitive distortions refer to your mind making judgments and inferences about a situation that are not based entirely on logic or evidence. This is usually the result of past experiences. Cognitive distortions can shape your beliefs, mood, and how you view yourself, others, and the world in general.

The 10 most common cognitive distortions: (adapted from “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”)

1. All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.

2. Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

3. Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives.

4. Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.

5. Jumping to conclusions: a) Mind-reading: You assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there’s no definite evidence; b) Fortune-telling: You arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.

6. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

7. Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I really must be one.”

8. “Should statements”: You criticize yourself (or other people) with “shoulds,” “oughts,” “musts” and “have tos.”

9. Labeling: When you label yourself or others. Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk,” or “a fool,” or “a loser.”

10. Personalization and blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and deny your role in the problem.

How to challenge distorted thoughts:

1. Journal. When you notice a change in mood, journal about what you’re thinking and feeling. Pay particular attention to what you're telling yourself. When you’ve calmed down, review the list of distortions and determine which one fueled your intense emotion. Be curious about what thought triggered you and make note of it. Curiosity will create an opportunity for increasing self-awareness and allow you to grow and learn about what you can do differently next time.

2. Complete a thought record. A thought record is a core tool in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). This is a one-page worksheet that you use in a difficult situation to help you notice your unhelpful ways of thinking and change your perspective to something more realistic. It focuses on the interactions between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and how to focus on factual evidence in order to think more reasonably and rationally.

3. Practice mindfulness which is the ability to focus on the present moment. It’s incredibly helpful to practice diaphragmatic breathing which allows you to focus on each inhalation and exhalation which brings you to the present moment. Practice noticing the thoughts and letting them go. Learn to recognize that you are not your thoughts.

4. Practice self-compassion. Learn how to talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. Practice being kind and patient with yourself. Acknowledge the pain you feel and learn to sit with the emotion and let it go.

5. Consider working with a psychologist who is trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). The therapist can provide you resources and support, teach you how to challenge your distorted thoughts, reduce anxiety and depression, and improve your mood.

Distorted thinking negatively impacts how a person, thinks about oneself, others, and the world. Be patient with yourself as you increase your awareness of your unhelpful ways of thinking. Learn to make your mental health a daily priority and learn and practice CBT coping strategies that can help reduce your irrational and distorted thoughts. Consider seeking additional support by working with a therapist who is trained in CBT.

If you’re needing help in dealing with your unhelpful thinking patterns, consider setting up a free phone consultation and we can discuss how therapy can be helpful.